Friday, August 5, 2011

Pregnancy Shmegnancy...

There are so many things that they don't tell you about pregnancy....I don't know if they just think you should know, or that if they told you, you would be to traumatized to try the experience. But, when you think about it, how many of us are there, that do this more than once...I would say the majority. Even though I have done this several times before, it's like I have never been through it. This pregnancy is COMPLETELY different. In fact, I think maybe this baby may have some sort of personal vendetta against me. Not to mention, the way my body seems to be affected by this one...Anyone ever heard of pregnant face?! Yeah well, I've got it! My boobs have always been on the large side, but now have grown to crazy proportions...Dolly aint got nothing on me, and why stop stretchmarks seem to be breeding even more stretchmarks. I currently have a belly that looks like it was drawn on by a caveman with Parkinsons, my uterus seems to dislike me...apparently the more children you have, the more Brackston Hicks Contractions you get...and the more painful they are...nice. Oh and did I mention, the swelling, it's been months since I've seen my knuckles, all that is left are some indentations where they used to reside. In fact, because of my size, I refuse to wear my all red dress, on the off chance that someone may yell "Kool Aid" when I walk down the street....which is also why I wont wear solid yellow, in case someone yells "Bus," I have been waddling for months already, and have noticed the cellulite increase in all un-stretched areas...that I can see that is. My friend texts me daily to see if I'm still pregnant and follows it up with a "Awe, I'm sorry honey, I feel so bad for you." I get sympathetic looks from across the room from my husband...usually after I catch his "OH MY GOD, Who is this lady, and why did she eat my wife?!" look that he thought he was concealing. Did I mention the comments from my ever observant children...they choose tactful ways of letting me know what they are thinking, such as "Mom, you're getting fat" or "WHOA, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BELLY BUTTON!" And don't get me started on shaving...I tried, and I swear the end result was probably a close second to what a yard would look like, if it were mowed by a blind man. But, with all these hardships, it won't even matter soon. I will be in love with my new little bundle, and the smiles on the faces of my children, as they see him grow, and the amazing way that my husband looks while holding someone so small, with this smirk that he gets at only the most precious of moments, that always manages to melt my heart. The process of creating life may not always be glamorous, but the outcome is worth every line, and dimple. It's an incredible experience, that makes all the suck fest moments, go away, which is why most of us are willing to do it again. So, as I uncomfortably and impatiently wait for this journey to be over, it's still bittersweet. I doubt I will have this experience again, so, it is yet another phase of life that will have passed, in what seems to be a blink of an eye. My kids will only be little once, and that fact is also bittersweet. But, something that we all have to be prepared for...unless your that sex crazed Duggar family on...what is it "38 and Counting"...I swear, they are just a loving couple, that is to afraid to visit a mental health professional, to admit that they are scared of change, have major separation anxiety, co-dependancy problems..and don't want to admit to growing old, so they just keep procreating like bunnies, to avoid the inevitable. Boy, is she going to be shocked when her ovaries dry up, I mean just because we have like a million eggs, doesn't mean we have to use all of them! ANYWAY, off my tangent...and in very odd closing, I am grateful for my spastic uterus, and the job that my ever expanding belly is doing for this new addition to our family, my body is working the way it's supposed to to care of this little guy, and I am first and foremost a mother, who would do anything for her babies, even if it means growing several chins!

1 comment:

  1. Dear Business Manager,

    You seriously crack me up! I REALLY needed this laugh. And Girl, you speak the truth!

    Your Etsy friend who is incapable of making decisions.